Member-only story
Franz Kafka, renowned author of alienation and absurdity, awoke one morning to find himself transformed… not into a monstrous insect, but into a gleaming MacBook Pro. Trapped in the digital purgatory of LinkedIn, Kafka navigated a landscape more bizarre than any he’d ever conjured.
His profile, automatically generated (because who reads the terms and conditions?), declared him a “Synergy-Driven Thought Leader” with “Disruptive Vision” (whatever that meant). Kafka, who spent his life battling self-doubt, recoiled in existential horror.
Job recommendations flooded his inbox: “Kafkaesque Customer Service Specialist,” “Content Marketing Guru for Existential Dread,” “Social Media Manager for Roach Motels.” Each promised “unprecedented growth opportunities” and a “culture of innovation,” words that sent shivers down his digital spine.
Kafka attempted to write a post, his fingers trembling over the keyboard. He tried to articulate the soul-crushing emptiness of corporate jargon, the performative positivity that reeked of despair. But the platform helpfully “suggested edits” for clarity and “engagement.” His words were morphed into bland platitudes, his angst autocorrected to optimism.
Desperate for connection, Kafka joined a group called “Misunderstood Geniuses.” He poured out…
