Ingredients:
- 1 cup (15 oz) chickpeas, dry (no unwanted aquafaba here!)
- 1/4 cup unsweetened almond milk, unsweetened coconut milk, or water (because even disasters need hydration)
- 1 cup finely ground almond flour or other keto-friendly flour alternative (coconut flour might be particularly disastrous)
- 1/2 cup chopped pecans or macadamia nuts (toasted for a hint of smokiness)
- 1 ripe avocado, diced (think chunky salsa texture)
- 2 tablespoons hemp seeds (a nutty substitute for nutritional yeast)
- 1 teaspoon baking powder (for a valiant, but likely futile, attempt at a rise)
- 1/4 cup melted coconut oil (because vegan butter wouldn’t cooperate in this dairy-free zone)
- 1/2 cup chopped sugar-free dark chocolate (for an intense bitterness to counteract the blandness)
- 1 tablespoon chia seeds mixed with 3 tablespoons water (our gelatinous egg substitute, because flax is out)
- Pinch of salt (because even disasters need a sprinkle of irony)
Instructions:
- Preheat your oven to 400°F (200°C) and grease a loaf pan with a very thin layer of coconut oil (because even…
